Current Track : Break Your Heart by Taio Cruz

Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave ya

They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive ya

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
Imma tear you apart
Told you from the start,
Baby from the start.

I'm naive enough to fall for your trap.
You just stab my heart and never mend it back,you just leave it like that.
But i never once regret because you're once very sweet and you
gave me loads of happy and unforgettable moments.

I know you're not easy to please,
you've told me you're not a gentleman but somehow i still love you.
I'll still tell and explain to you how i feel although you start to tear my heart.
Though i know u wont care,
i still do sit here and tel because i love you.
But now,i'm tired.

I give up.

This is how much i love you.

Current track : Nothin' On You by B.O.B

No matter how strong a person is,they will still fall when something triggers their weakest part.
Like some superhero with their super power,they can be as strong as a gigantic giant.But somehow,they'll still fall because every human have their own ability and limits.

I've used up 3 years plus to train myself and made up my mind to be a strong and tough person in every way included my love life.I've realized if a person wants to take their revenge,they'll never care and not afraid to hurt their opponents a not.Is all because their aim is to beat down their enemies to show how strong and tough they are.They take their revenge to make things fair.It is perfectly true for what comes around goes around.But when it comes to a relationship,everything will be upside down.

The world is not fair when comes to love.Someone might hurt and the other might not or maybe both way will be hurt.And for most of the situation that I've seen and gone through,thru myself is that,boys will normally let the girl win when it comes to an arguments.And most of it is true because a gentleman will never want to make a girl sad and emo or even seeing their own love one cry.People said,a guy who cause a girl cry oftenly means that guy is a total failure.

This is due to,girls tears is the most precious thing that they ever had.Which girl will like to cry everyday instead of smile and be happy all the time?They want and need the most love from their other part exclude family.Woman is the most sensitive creature that God have ever created.That's why their all complicated in their own ways.They will sense things faster than any guys do.They put things very seriously and when they love that someone so much they will not even know what does happiness meant because they don't mind sacrificing it when they know their love one's is happy.

Different girl different attitude.My actual attitude is that I'm very sensitive,I'm tough because i have to.I'll really put myself into that someone if i really do love him a lot.I don't mind changing myself to suit him.I rather to keep it to myself when i did something like caring or sacrifice anything just for him and not to tell it out loud so that I'll get any rewards or something.I'm not that kind of person who can show my love with all those sweet talks,I'm sorry I'm not perfect.But when u really get to know me clearly,you'll slowly realized for every small things i do like even my small advice on your daily life is how i show my love and caring towards him.Maybe you still haven't get to see clear at my point of view but i deeply hope that you will ever just leave your stubborness aside and try to understand me from A-Z again right now.If you can't,there's no point for me to express all my feelings over and over again.

I cried because i care,all girls are weak,even when they say their tough,you'll know their crapping.For you,you're totally the one i want and need at the very first place.As time passes by,things change and you've change.I never blame u since u said I'm the one cause it all to happen.But although u don't know whats the reason i ask u to work and college is okay.As long as i know what i do will lead you to a bright future then I'm happy.

You're really different compared to other guys but still the special attitude of yours are getting more weird and is so not like you anymore.U said you're not gentleman ever since the first day i met you.Allright,i said okay and don't mind and now I'm suffering with your strange attitude.I know i cause it all and i don't need you to pity,anyway i knew u don't also.You're so much way different now until you said i never care for u.It's okay if you don't realized,I'm not going to blame u.But worse come to worse,most of the things you did and say nowadays,okay i know i created all and i myself make you never spend time with me but with that I'm getting weaker and weaker.When i cry,u don't even bother,you can still ask what for i cry.The most hurting,i asked you whether "you're afraid to hurt me a not?" ,you answered "nope".

Which girl will still talk to that guy when he answered that.She'll never give a shit about him anymore kay?! Which girl will still sit here and admit everything she did is her fault?! Which girl will still point out his mistake and hope he'll treat her better although he already hurt her to the highest limit?! Which girl will still try to tolerate everything when she has already at the dead end?! You said whatever i said is totally a copy of you last time.Why?Because I want you to know how i feel and how much is my love for you.I need you to understand me just for once.Seriously,you don't know how much i love you.I love you till i let all this to happen,and i really don't know what to do now.I should hate you instead of loving you and tolerate things now when you tell me you're not afraid to hurt me no more.But I can't because I'm stupidly crazily locked myself to you and I really don't know where I've put the key.Somehow,i need you to realized that,there's a padlock in you're heart.Hope you learn how to appreciate it.If not it'll rust and i don't know what will happen to it anymore.

Guardian much.

I don't know what I've did to deserve this respond from him but,
his always been there for me no matter what.
His like my,guardian for most of the thing.
When i need any help than the next thing i know is he will be there
for me.
Always do.
But now,things change,world change and peoples change.
And so i thought he wont but he changed too.
When i'm down,his always there to give me advice and comfort me.
I just dont understand that how can he be gone in like one night.
His no longer there for me due to some unacceptable reason *for my opinion la*.
I seriously dont want to loose a friend like this but i cant control things.
I have no right to do that.
All i hope is he'll know how to respond against me and hope he'll
understand that i'll always believe in myself when there's more people to guide me.
And sometimes when you think you have make the right decision,
please do think also whether how the person will feel after the decision have made.
You never give me a chance to even explain or maybe a goodbye before you leave.
Like u said,the path that i'm facing,will be more deeper and cooler.
Somehow,sorry if i've hurt you or offended your feelings earlier but somehow,
i'll still love to say Thank You for being there for me all the time.

And i'll always be there.

I must admit you were not apart of my book,
but now if you open it up and take a look,
You're the beginning and the end of every chapter.

-by:ne-yo-

It's been one month we've been together and I
do appreciate for every second being with you.
I love u for u,i have to admit you have always been
there to cheer me up :)

Happy 1st Month Anniversary Sweetheart!

I Love You So Much,Julian Yap :D

And they live happily ever after?

I don't know why just feel like blogging right now.
Is 2:o9 on April 12 now.
Am not tired or sleepy either right now,feels like talking and express my thought and feelings to someone but none are awake now.
I always realized other than twitter,i always love to express my feelings here :)
*sighing* What do forever means? For my own opinion,i don't think forever existed until you're really lock to someones heart and that's forever :D
But,for youngster like us,forever don't exist.
How about love?Trust,believes,freedom,understand?Some more?
I'm from a strict family which cannot really open my relationship to public to prevent my family members to know and he should know that.
By now,i don't really know whether i really know him a not,is not that i don't believe in him because i never want to blame him.Its me,i don't trust myself,i don't give my trust towards him.
My weakness,which is getting jealous easily always break me down when i see my love one close with others.
I hate it.And for some small reason we always fight and at last he'll try letting me win and eventually i feel like a loser in the next second.
Loving a person too much will leads us to an arguments?Is that even possible to happen in the first place? *confuse?*
Furthermore,at sometimes,i mean most of the time,i always try to prove how much i care and love him but I'll still never gonna beat the expectation that he expected from me.
I never thought I'll gone through this kind of situation.
For everything i did for him and only him,he'll never know how much i sacrifice,maybe he does but sometimes he'll say that I'm wrong and prove it to me one by one.
I do hurt when that happens but so?
No one can feel my pain except myself.
When he said i kept secret away from him,it hurts me more because that will be the last thing i do on earth.
I'm not the lying kind of person and i hate liars and his my boyfriend,there will be no way for me to lie to him but he said i did.
I cant and wont fight back to avoid arguments.
Distance and time is already my barriers between me and him.With that,our bridge start to be not stable and is not that strong anymore compared to last time.
I do love him,care bout him and his my precious.I always tell him i don't know how to describe my love for him,but i don't think he get what I'm trying to say.
I love him for him and its him.
There is no way a girl sitting infront of the monitor in the middle of the night to express how much she loves him.
I hope he could understand my heart.
There's too much confusion in my head now and it's killing me for me to think about it.
Strange feelings which stuck at my heart still haven't go away yet.
When I'm depressed,i always keep it in my heart and let it out by flowing my tears and when i'm happy,i'll say it out and share with everyone :)
Anyways,if there's something u kept in your heart and you think it'll hurt me,I'll prefer you to let it all out instead of keeping it to yourself just that you're afraid that u might or will hurt me.
I do cherish every moments that we've been through.I love u and i want u to know that.

ps: i'm still strong enough to go through all this hurting words which might hurt me :/ dont forget i'm strong! :p

Out of topic :)

Sorry,it's been kinda busy,i mean lazy to update my blog ever since the very last post.
Due to my lazy-ness,without me realized I've actually abandoned my blog for like two months.
Proud enough? *i do :)*
Too much things had happened since my last post.
I've been through bitter and sweet at the same time.
You'll never know how i feel because you are not me! *teehee :D *
Anywho,I'm lazy to list out what happened .
Its like first,got my results on march and it sucks!
Told myself i know i dint do really good in it.I dint put that much effort on it and eventually i've screwed everything *TADA much?* *hmmm :(*
Then,mum planned,PLANNED,to send me to Taylor's and I've been for the Open Day.
It's quite fun and excited to know that I'm going to study there.But god knows,suddenly after came back from Open Day,aunt came to my house and gave both me and my mum advice and end up,choices have made by my mum.Which is,send me to FORM 6!!!
FORM 6 weyh,is like friggin hard,and I'm effing serious I'm going to Form6.
Most of my friend told me to wait for letters from the ministry but schools starting around May!
And I'm still here waiting for letters and my ex principal said she cant do much and asked us to wait for letters??!
If i don't managed to get in to form6,imma serious DEAD!All my hard plan just damage in 1 day *snifffffsssssss*
Oh :) then,accidentally bang people car few days ago.No comments are allowed! So far after getting my license,accidentally TER-BANG.Skali saja ma..no big deal right?But still,there's one thing i dont like which is that woman so lansi,after bang already STILL try to snap a picture of my car and her car to compared or show to her friend how strong is my SLK *small little kancil* and how week is her old saga (: ,idk but anywhat,guess what my kancil no problem but her saga bumper go senget *woops* :p

And about my relationship,can be said kinda screwed up since februuaaarrayyy :o
Is like because of one's happiness then runes the other people happiness. * don't understand?*
Mmmmm,sometimes i do admit my relationship was kinda messed up.Like serious messed.
And for some decision I've made and done,I'll learn my lesson from that AND the same mistakes I've did,will never be repeated.
I've hurt a lot of people and while doing that,my heart do bleeds too.
I don't know whether I've made the right choice anot but I've already made it and there's no way for me to turn back.
All i have to do is just continue my life and that's all :)
Sometimes i really confused about the love thingy.Diff people diff attitude and character and yeah,it does gave me a lot of experience but at the same time,i DO HAVE TO sacrifice to understand their attitude.
No matter how experienced one person is,you will still go through some bad or down moments in a relationship and that is where one of them became stronger and fight back.
And what,we should trust each other in a relationship?Bullshit!No matter how much effort of trust and caring we put on,problems will appear when the time comes.
A girl like me which normally have mood swings all the time will always fight for small problem.I'll still gonna to have arguments with my love one no matter how much we love each other.
Because fight doesn't mean that we hate each other,so yea.Anyways,i don't know what am i crapping right now in the middle of the night but for some reason if u try to understand what am i trying to say,it kinda make sense allright? *winkwink* :D
My point is,I'm with this guy now.We've sort of been through quite loads of things and i do appreciate him a lot.But for some reasons,is not that i don't trust him.Is just that i don't trust myself and i always find topic and fight with him.I don't know whether is who's fault but no matter what we always tried to solve it and we've made it most of the time so yea. P.S : iloveyouloadsjul (:

Tired of reading?No worries,is the end of my post now.U think i not tired typing and thinking ah?Nyahaha ;)
XOXO.