I don't know why just feel like blogging right now.
Is 2:o9 on April 12 now.
Am not tired or sleepy either right now,feels like talking and express my thought and feelings to someone but none are awake now.
I always realized other than twitter,i always love to express my feelings here :)
*sighing* What do forever means? For my own opinion,i don't think forever existed until you're really lock to someones heart and that's forever :D
But,for youngster like us,forever don't exist.
How about love?Trust,believes,freedom,understand?Some more?
I'm from a strict family which cannot really open my relationship to public to prevent my family members to know and he should know that.
By now,i don't really know whether i really know him a not,is not that i don't believe in him because i never want to blame him.Its me,i don't trust myself,i don't give my trust towards him.
My weakness,which is getting jealous easily always break me down when i see my love one close with others.
I hate it.And for some small reason we always fight and at last he'll try letting me win and eventually i feel like a loser in the next second.
Loving a person too much will leads us to an arguments?Is that even possible to happen in the first place? *confuse?*
Furthermore,at sometimes,i mean most of the time,i always try to prove how much i care and love him but I'll still never gonna beat the expectation that he expected from me.
I never thought I'll gone through this kind of situation.
For everything i did for him and only him,he'll never know how much i sacrifice,maybe he does but sometimes he'll say that I'm wrong and prove it to me one by one.
I do hurt when that happens but so?
No one can feel my pain except myself.
When he said i kept secret away from him,it hurts me more because that will be the last thing i do on earth.
I'm not the lying kind of person and i hate liars and his my boyfriend,there will be no way for me to lie to him but he said i did.
I cant and wont fight back to avoid arguments.
Distance and time is already my barriers between me and him.With that,our bridge start to be not stable and is not that strong anymore compared to last time.
I do love him,care bout him and his my precious.I always tell him i don't know how to describe my love for him,but i don't think he get what I'm trying to say.
I love him for him and its him.
There is no way a girl sitting infront of the monitor in the middle of the night to express how much she loves him.
I hope he could understand my heart.
There's too much confusion in my head now and it's killing me for me to think about it.
Strange feelings which stuck at my heart still haven't go away yet.
When I'm depressed,i always keep it in my heart and let it out by flowing my tears and when i'm happy,i'll say it out and share with everyone :)
Anyways,if there's something u kept in your heart and you think it'll hurt me,I'll prefer you to let it all out instead of keeping it to yourself just that you're afraid that u might or will hurt me.
I do cherish every moments that we've been through.I love u and i want u to know that.
ps: i'm still strong enough to go through all this hurting words which might hurt me :/ dont forget i'm strong! :p
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Out of topic :)
Sorry,it's been kinda busy,i mean lazy to update my blog ever since the very last post.
Due to my lazy-ness,without me realized I've actually abandoned my blog for like two months.
Proud enough? *i do :)*
Too much things had happened since my last post.
I've been through bitter and sweet at the same time.
You'll never know how i feel because you are not me! *teehee :D *
Anywho,I'm lazy to list out what happened .
Its like first,got my results on march and it sucks!
Told myself i know i dint do really good in it.I dint put that much effort on it and eventually i've screwed everything *TADA much?* *hmmm :(*
Then,mum planned,PLANNED,to send me to Taylor's and I've been for the Open Day.
It's quite fun and excited to know that I'm going to study there.But god knows,suddenly after came back from Open Day,aunt came to my house and gave both me and my mum advice and end up,choices have made by my mum.Which is,send me to FORM 6!!!
FORM 6 weyh,is like friggin hard,and I'm effing serious I'm going to Form6.
Most of my friend told me to wait for letters from the ministry but schools starting around May!
And I'm still here waiting for letters and my ex principal said she cant do much and asked us to wait for letters??!
If i don't managed to get in to form6,imma serious DEAD!All my hard plan just damage in 1 day *snifffffsssssss*
Oh :) then,accidentally bang people car few days ago.No comments are allowed! So far after getting my license,accidentally TER-BANG.Skali saja ma..no big deal right?But still,there's one thing i dont like which is that woman so lansi,after bang already STILL try to snap a picture of my car and her car to compared or show to her friend how strong is my SLK *small little kancil* and how week is her old saga (: ,idk but anywhat,guess what my kancil no problem but her saga bumper go senget *woops* :p
And about my relationship,can be said kinda screwed up since februuaaarrayyy :o
Is like because of one's happiness then runes the other people happiness. * don't understand?*
Mmmmm,sometimes i do admit my relationship was kinda messed up.Like serious messed.
And for some decision I've made and done,I'll learn my lesson from that AND the same mistakes I've did,will never be repeated.
I've hurt a lot of people and while doing that,my heart do bleeds too.
I don't know whether I've made the right choice anot but I've already made it and there's no way for me to turn back.
All i have to do is just continue my life and that's all :)
Sometimes i really confused about the love thingy.Diff people diff attitude and character and yeah,it does gave me a lot of experience but at the same time,i DO HAVE TO sacrifice to understand their attitude.
No matter how experienced one person is,you will still go through some bad or down moments in a relationship and that is where one of them became stronger and fight back.
And what,we should trust each other in a relationship?Bullshit!No matter how much effort of trust and caring we put on,problems will appear when the time comes.
A girl like me which normally have mood swings all the time will always fight for small problem.I'll still gonna to have arguments with my love one no matter how much we love each other.
Because fight doesn't mean that we hate each other,so yea.Anyways,i don't know what am i crapping right now in the middle of the night but for some reason if u try to understand what am i trying to say,it kinda make sense allright? *winkwink* :D
My point is,I'm with this guy now.We've sort of been through quite loads of things and i do appreciate him a lot.But for some reasons,is not that i don't trust him.Is just that i don't trust myself and i always find topic and fight with him.I don't know whether is who's fault but no matter what we always tried to solve it and we've made it most of the time so yea. P.S : iloveyouloadsjul (:
Tired of reading?No worries,is the end of my post now.U think i not tired typing and thinking ah?Nyahaha ;)
XOXO.
Due to my lazy-ness,without me realized I've actually abandoned my blog for like two months.
Proud enough? *i do :)*
Too much things had happened since my last post.
I've been through bitter and sweet at the same time.
You'll never know how i feel because you are not me! *teehee :D *
Anywho,I'm lazy to list out what happened .
Its like first,got my results on march and it sucks!
Told myself i know i dint do really good in it.I dint put that much effort on it and eventually i've screwed everything *TADA much?* *hmmm :(*
Then,mum planned,PLANNED,to send me to Taylor's and I've been for the Open Day.
It's quite fun and excited to know that I'm going to study there.But god knows,suddenly after came back from Open Day,aunt came to my house and gave both me and my mum advice and end up,choices have made by my mum.Which is,send me to FORM 6!!!
FORM 6 weyh,is like friggin hard,and I'm effing serious I'm going to Form6.
Most of my friend told me to wait for letters from the ministry but schools starting around May!
And I'm still here waiting for letters and my ex principal said she cant do much and asked us to wait for letters??!
If i don't managed to get in to form6,imma serious DEAD!All my hard plan just damage in 1 day *snifffffsssssss*
Oh :) then,accidentally bang people car few days ago.No comments are allowed! So far after getting my license,accidentally TER-BANG.Skali saja ma..no big deal right?But still,there's one thing i dont like which is that woman so lansi,after bang already STILL try to snap a picture of my car and her car to compared or show to her friend how strong is my SLK *small little kancil* and how week is her old saga (: ,idk but anywhat,guess what my kancil no problem but her saga bumper go senget *woops* :p
And about my relationship,can be said kinda screwed up since februuaaarrayyy :o
Is like because of one's happiness then runes the other people happiness. * don't understand?*
Mmmmm,sometimes i do admit my relationship was kinda messed up.Like serious messed.
And for some decision I've made and done,I'll learn my lesson from that AND the same mistakes I've did,will never be repeated.
I've hurt a lot of people and while doing that,my heart do bleeds too.
I don't know whether I've made the right choice anot but I've already made it and there's no way for me to turn back.
All i have to do is just continue my life and that's all :)
Sometimes i really confused about the love thingy.Diff people diff attitude and character and yeah,it does gave me a lot of experience but at the same time,i DO HAVE TO sacrifice to understand their attitude.
No matter how experienced one person is,you will still go through some bad or down moments in a relationship and that is where one of them became stronger and fight back.
And what,we should trust each other in a relationship?Bullshit!No matter how much effort of trust and caring we put on,problems will appear when the time comes.
A girl like me which normally have mood swings all the time will always fight for small problem.I'll still gonna to have arguments with my love one no matter how much we love each other.
Because fight doesn't mean that we hate each other,so yea.Anyways,i don't know what am i crapping right now in the middle of the night but for some reason if u try to understand what am i trying to say,it kinda make sense allright? *winkwink* :D
My point is,I'm with this guy now.We've sort of been through quite loads of things and i do appreciate him a lot.But for some reasons,is not that i don't trust him.Is just that i don't trust myself and i always find topic and fight with him.I don't know whether is who's fault but no matter what we always tried to solve it and we've made it most of the time so yea. P.S : iloveyouloadsjul (:
Tired of reading?No worries,is the end of my post now.U think i not tired typing and thinking ah?Nyahaha ;)
XOXO.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I dont know.
Current track : Knock You Down by Keri Hilson
"I never thought I'd, hear myself say, ooh, ya'll gon' head
I think I'm gonna kick it wit my girl today, kick it wit my girl today
I used to be commander and chief
Of my pimp ship flyin' high, flyin' high)
Til I met this pretty little missile that shot me out the sky
Hey, now I'm crashing, don't know how it happened
But I know it feels so damn good
Said if I could back, and make it happen faster
Don't you know I would baby if I could
Miss Independent, ohh, to the fullest, the load never too much
She helpin' me pull it
She shot the bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight
Girl sometimes love"
I think I'm gonna kick it wit my girl today, kick it wit my girl today
I used to be commander and chief
Of my pimp ship flyin' high, flyin' high)
Til I met this pretty little missile that shot me out the sky
Hey, now I'm crashing, don't know how it happened
But I know it feels so damn good
Said if I could back, and make it happen faster
Don't you know I would baby if I could
Miss Independent, ohh, to the fullest, the load never too much
She helpin' me pull it
She shot the bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight
Girl sometimes love"
I just love this part.Don't ask why because i'll not tel u!
Secret are meant to be secret arent them? :p
*thinkthinkthink*
too much things happen this few days or maybe can be said weeks.
just don't know how to desribe lar.
i promise myself to never post or set any of my status with emo stuff.
because some people might,MIGHT,find it irritating.
although i've promised it but i'm not sure whether i can keep it anot but who cares!
anywho,so yea,imma gonna stop that rubbish now.
i'm a person which dont and HATE hurting peoples feelins but i think i've did it to someone but i really dint mean it.
it feels really bad when u did that because when that someone treat u like THISSSSSSSS GGGGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD,u will eventually feel THHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD after hurt them!!!!!!!!!!!!
*arghghghgh*
but in people who knows me,they will know for everything i make and made,it is based on a reason.
so yea,been feel bad all the time and i'm gonna control myself not to.
last sorry.
anyways,feel so bored and useless stayin at home some more new year coming and it's like so busy for me.
got to help my mum do house chores like mad fella *nvm,exaggerating it only* (:
what to do,good good girl must help (:
DAMN! i sounded so...so not mehhh!!!!!!!!
teeehheeee :D
anywhat i know danial you keep follow my blog all the time.
know u'll gonna read everything i wrote here..
haha...
i saw u're post about the white kancil.
*laughoutloud*
i know lar dei my WHITE KANCIL cunted huh?
no need to jealous.
EVERYONE NO NEED TO JEALOUS BECAUSE I CAN DRIVE WITH MY *aww* WHITE KANCIL ((((:
*proudnesswhichcanneverdescribe*
will post more everyone (:
ciaoxx :)
XOXO.
Secret are meant to be secret arent them? :p
*thinkthinkthink*
too much things happen this few days or maybe can be said weeks.
just don't know how to desribe lar.
i promise myself to never post or set any of my status with emo stuff.
because some people might,MIGHT,find it irritating.
although i've promised it but i'm not sure whether i can keep it anot but who cares!
anywho,so yea,imma gonna stop that rubbish now.
i'm a person which dont and HATE hurting peoples feelins but i think i've did it to someone but i really dint mean it.
it feels really bad when u did that because when that someone treat u like THISSSSSSSS GGGGGGOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD,u will eventually feel THHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD after hurt them!!!!!!!!!!!!
*arghghghgh*
but in people who knows me,they will know for everything i make and made,it is based on a reason.
so yea,been feel bad all the time and i'm gonna control myself not to.
last sorry.
anyways,feel so bored and useless stayin at home some more new year coming and it's like so busy for me.
got to help my mum do house chores like mad fella *nvm,exaggerating it only* (:
what to do,good good girl must help (:
DAMN! i sounded so...so not mehhh!!!!!!!!
teeehheeee :D
anywhat i know danial you keep follow my blog all the time.
know u'll gonna read everything i wrote here..
haha...
i saw u're post about the white kancil.
*laughoutloud*
i know lar dei my WHITE KANCIL cunted huh?
no need to jealous.
EVERYONE NO NEED TO JEALOUS BECAUSE I CAN DRIVE WITH MY *aww* WHITE KANCIL ((((:
*proudnesswhichcanneverdescribe*
will post more everyone (:
ciaoxx :)
XOXO.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Is just another ordinary day.
Actually dont know what to write.
Life's gettin sucker by stayin at home without doing anything.
My dearrrrrr mum keep askin me to help her...
In other way,it can be said that i'm like already 50% housewife.
Hello..teenager here weyh!!
Have to go out have fun and all but yerrr !!!
She dont let me out!
I'm like a bird without wings on it :p
No freedom and now all thks to dont know wtheck happen to my car..
I got this phobia to drive right now.
That night my car sudenly go blackout at the housing area *sumore near hannah house//damn embarassing!*
Then until now,havent really go and fix it yet.
That's why i'm afraid to drive on the main road/highway.
Later sudenly engine spoil in the middle of the road...*not imagining*..gone case la.. :p
Okayh..thats why i'm so bored at here bloggin.
Everyone started their coll life and i..hah hah..so much of house chores like waiting for me.
I'm like a housemaid now..*call me lah if need a maid..lol..1 hr 500 bucks* (:
Teehee (:
Oh,something that i shoulnt forget is like..
I've been so "emo" for last few days which cause me to have mood swing which is quiet scary.
If i'm happy i'll joke with my friend then out of nowhere when they said sumtin wrong,like really minor prob,i go crazy.
Like serious crazy and maybe i screwed them or by ignoring them.
Dont u think thats scary?
But although i'm down for a few days,it makes me realises that actually there is still more people who is willing to cheer me up.
I'm glad and felt touch by what they did to me.
I never thought that a girl like me will be appreciated by others (:
Loads of love from me to you all.
I'll never forget the advice that had gave by u all and which i've accepted it.
Thks :D
Till then :)
XOXO.
Life's gettin sucker by stayin at home without doing anything.
My dearrrrrr mum keep askin me to help her...
In other way,it can be said that i'm like already 50% housewife.
Hello..teenager here weyh!!
Have to go out have fun and all but yerrr !!!
She dont let me out!
I'm like a bird without wings on it :p
No freedom and now all thks to dont know wtheck happen to my car..
I got this phobia to drive right now.
That night my car sudenly go blackout at the housing area *sumore near hannah house//damn embarassing!*
Then until now,havent really go and fix it yet.
That's why i'm afraid to drive on the main road/highway.
Later sudenly engine spoil in the middle of the road...*not imagining*..gone case la.. :p
Okayh..thats why i'm so bored at here bloggin.
Everyone started their coll life and i..hah hah..so much of house chores like waiting for me.
I'm like a housemaid now..*call me lah if need a maid..lol..1 hr 500 bucks* (:
Teehee (:
Oh,something that i shoulnt forget is like..
I've been so "emo" for last few days which cause me to have mood swing which is quiet scary.
If i'm happy i'll joke with my friend then out of nowhere when they said sumtin wrong,like really minor prob,i go crazy.
Like serious crazy and maybe i screwed them or by ignoring them.
Dont u think thats scary?
But although i'm down for a few days,it makes me realises that actually there is still more people who is willing to cheer me up.
I'm glad and felt touch by what they did to me.
I never thought that a girl like me will be appreciated by others (:
Loads of love from me to you all.
I'll never forget the advice that had gave by u all and which i've accepted it.
Thks :D
Till then :)
XOXO.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
I feel like this blog is gettin more n more emo-ness stuff.
I just dont know why i love to let it out here.
Argh *sigh-ing*
Current track : According to me by Miss Orianthi.
Currently facin supa shitty mood now.
Is it like stayin at home for so long doing ntg and spendin too much attention on the love one?
I thought normally thats a good thing but?
But now turn's like as though i'm very irritatin.
*wtfisgoinonhere*
*carinnlovingnspendinmymaxtimewithhimalsogotproblem?!*
Tell me lah kay,what to do now?
I just need to feel appreciated.
I want U to know how much things that i did and sacrifice to make u happy and to see u.
*iloveyouliketothemaxisthatwrongtoo*
Hope that u realised how i feel.
*thissupaolidayislikeshit*
I just dont know why i love to let it out here.
Argh *sigh-ing*
Current track : According to me by Miss Orianthi.
Currently facin supa shitty mood now.
Is it like stayin at home for so long doing ntg and spendin too much attention on the love one?
I thought normally thats a good thing but?
But now turn's like as though i'm very irritatin.
*wtfisgoinonhere*
*carinnlovingnspendinmymaxtimewithhimalsogotproblem?!*
Tell me lah kay,what to do now?
I just need to feel appreciated.
I want U to know how much things that i did and sacrifice to make u happy and to see u.
*iloveyouliketothemaxisthatwrongtoo*
Hope that u realised how i feel.
*thissupaolidayislikeshit*
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Silent nite
I'm sad u noe tiz few days!Argh..dun ask why..i feel that every night i feel like cryin n eventually i'll sleep with my tears on.I hate myself.Everythins screwed!I hate it i hate it i hate it!Why cant i just be happy for a freakin days?!?I'm sucha a useless bein jealous everytym and i'm always bein not satiesfied when there's something for me to apreciate.I always look on the bad side but how about the good side.I always missed it.Feel so stupid.I hate myself.I hate bein sad.I hate cryin.I hate tears flowin!Can u now feel how depressed i am in the middle of the nite.It doesnt really matter coz i just wanna let my stress out.I just dont know how to express it out.So i prefer to type since i'm not able to shout it out loud right now.*tears flowin*.I just hate myself.Useless me!I'm sorry for hurtin u if i did.Just leave me behind if i'm bein such a irritate or burden for u all the time :(
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Time Machine
Actually for me rite now,i rily have nothin much to post at blogger anymore.
Everyone's updatin deir blog bout new years n stuff...
So hahaha...it seems like every1 updatin d same thing thn i'm nt gona post it :)
Anywho ...
Just wish that i'm gona to get a time machine for my birthday *remind-ing~ DUH! :p*
HAHAHAHAHA XD
Ok,coz after d 01012010...
I just feel that i'm sorta lost!
Coz seeing my siblings packin all deir stuff for the 1st day of school n i'm like 'how bout me? :('
I WANNA BACK TO SCHOOL!!!
*nt include the takin exam part//pmr//spm*
*puke puke puke*
Hahahaha...sakai giler!
Kesimpulannya....saya mau skola!
Juz doin nothing at home everyday...u noe NOTHING??!
Argh ;/ and parents everyday like 'oi,go find college lar...dun wait till get ur results oni find..tat will be too late'...
ITU I PUN TAU LAR...
Apa mau buat...so malas... :D
I juz duno y,feel like no more school life for me n wana go for a relax n now every1 startin for college...wtf?
So fast u guys wana study ah??
Haaahhahahaha ;D
Maybe tat is just wat i think about and maybe diff for u guys but I'M STILL BORED!
Miss school life alotttttt...like hell lot!
Miss spendin time with frens,prefect job,time durin in the class,d way we complain bout teacher,d sarcastic singam...hahaha!
N i actually ask my siblings wat happen in school today n blablabla...
N dey wil like 'eh,u no more skul ady lah...ish...ntg hapen lah...!'
=.=
As though la rily non-of-my-business although it is d fact but still....i'm d ex student rite...although sudah past tense..hehehe!
Ala....bosan sial kat umah!
Owh...just wish tat i can back to school..
ohoh *exclude daisy* :)
hahaha...everyday me n gloria go toilet sure kena from her..so this train glo 2 b vr alert everytime.
Hahahaha..
She'll be like 'Flower in-coming...flower in'coming..run!'...hahahaha.
So..i'll neva 4get my life at secondary school...
Owh btw,hunny ariel...u're goin 2 leave me so fast?!
Argh!
Gona miss u loads.
:)
Kayh,will upload more soon..
Till then.
XOXO.
Everyone's updatin deir blog bout new years n stuff...
So hahaha...it seems like every1 updatin d same thing thn i'm nt gona post it :)
Anywho ...
Just wish that i'm gona to get a time machine for my birthday *remind-ing~ DUH! :p*
HAHAHAHAHA XD
Ok,coz after d 01012010...
I just feel that i'm sorta lost!
Coz seeing my siblings packin all deir stuff for the 1st day of school n i'm like 'how bout me? :('
I WANNA BACK TO SCHOOL!!!
*nt include the takin exam part//pmr//spm*
*puke puke puke*
Hahahaha...sakai giler!
Kesimpulannya....saya mau skola!
Juz doin nothing at home everyday...u noe NOTHING??!
Argh ;/ and parents everyday like 'oi,go find college lar...dun wait till get ur results oni find..tat will be too late'...
ITU I PUN TAU LAR...
Apa mau buat...so malas... :D
I juz duno y,feel like no more school life for me n wana go for a relax n now every1 startin for college...wtf?
So fast u guys wana study ah??
Haaahhahahaha ;D
Maybe tat is just wat i think about and maybe diff for u guys but I'M STILL BORED!
Miss school life alotttttt...like hell lot!
Miss spendin time with frens,prefect job,time durin in the class,d way we complain bout teacher,d sarcastic singam...hahaha!
N i actually ask my siblings wat happen in school today n blablabla...
N dey wil like 'eh,u no more skul ady lah...ish...ntg hapen lah...!'
=.=
As though la rily non-of-my-business although it is d fact but still....i'm d ex student rite...although sudah past tense..hehehe!
Ala....bosan sial kat umah!
Owh...just wish tat i can back to school..
ohoh *exclude daisy* :)
hahaha...everyday me n gloria go toilet sure kena from her..so this train glo 2 b vr alert everytime.
Hahahaha..
She'll be like 'Flower in-coming...flower in'coming..run!'...hahahaha.
So..i'll neva 4get my life at secondary school...
Owh btw,hunny ariel...u're goin 2 leave me so fast?!
Argh!
Gona miss u loads.
:)
Kayh,will upload more soon..
Till then.
XOXO.
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